Tuesday, March 30th - Restraint

Restraint is an interesting subject.  Be it in the context of photography, composition, consumption, morality, sex play, character or in simply voicing one's opinion, restraint can have many connotations.  I have often been advised to exercise a little more restraint, in just about every setting and situation one can imagine in life.  You might even say I'm a little unrestrained.  I am after all, given to wearing kilts as often as possible.  And in the traditionally and customarily unrestrained manner.


While it can be argued that restraint, and the control implicit in the meaning of the word, can be a good thing, generally speaking I lean more to the exercising of one's passion.  About the only time I actually practice restraint is when running a marathon (and then it is restrained fury) and when in the act of drinking, when I know that at some future point in the evenings proceedings I may be getting behind the wheel of a vehicle.  And given my predilections for a general lack of restraint, I often avail myself of the services of a taxi.  Or a couch.  Or the floor.


In photography, about the only time I restrain myself is when another photographer is shooting.  Stop laughing out there, I know who you are!  Sometimes, just watching a scene unfold, I have to walk away from the scene to keep my passions and excitement in check.  And to keep the models from laughing.  And I certainly try to restrain myself from shooting when another photographer is in the process of taking pictures.  Usually.


On the other hand, I rarely exercise restraint when in the presence of stupidity, bullies and incompetence.  Generally speaking, at that point, I have to speak up.


I have spent enough time being serious about photography in the past few years to have acquired quite a few friends who actually work in the photography business.  Not just professional photographers, but sellers and re-sellers, retailers, rental staff, camera reps and agents, repair staff, and a huge number of people who aide the photographers themselves, production and camera assistants and stylists and hair and make-up people, not to even mention all the instructors I've had over the years.


The vast majority of these people are in the photography business not just because it's a job and it helps pay the rent (and sometimes it doesn't) but because they have a real passion for the art and the act of creation and the joy of collaborating with like-minded individuals.  But sometimes, you have to work with people you don't necessarily care for, and sometimes you have to actually work at a trade show.  I've worked trade shows.  I can tell you one thing unequivocally about trade shows.  When working in a booth at a trade show you will inevitably be approached by a moron and this is the part that kills -- because you are in a booth, representing your product and your company -- you are effectively trapped and cut-off from all means of escape.


The moron in question, who is almost inevitably a male of a certain vintage, will invariably be an expert and he will waste no time in regaling you with the vast store of his self-proclaimed expertness.  You will want to die.  You will probably be polite, because you are there to man the booth.  And represent the company.  And because you're a stand up guy, you ride for the brand.  You're decent and loyal and you believe in what you sell.  The booth might as well be a fox hole. There is no where to run and no where to hide.  The smile on your face will quickly become a frozen grimace.  If a grenade bounced into your booth, you would fall on it in an instant, just to stop the voice of the moron.  Unless of course you could drop it down the front of the pants of the moron in front of you. If you had a gun you would kill yourself. Why yourself?  Because at a trade show you can't kill the morons in your booth.  First, it's bad form and probably impolite.  Secondly, the place would be emptied as quickly as the ammunition lasted.  Because yes, many of the people who go to these trade show are, in fact, morons.


The worst part is, cordoned off in your booth with no hope of escape, you will see your adversary approaching you with grim determination.  He will have the plastic bag handed out by the trade show filled with every free give-away he could get his grasping, avaricious little paws on, until its bulging contents threaten to burst out.  He will be waddling slightly, because you can nearly guarantee he is on the Atkins diet, he will be sweating, he will have BO and halitosis and if the trade show is about camera gear, he will be wearing a hat and a vest.  

His name is probably something like "Barry", and his hat will probably even say something he considers witty and brilliant, like "Barry the Photographer".  And his vest will match and it too will say, "Barry the Photographer".  And then Barry will start in by telling you that he knows everything that there is to know about cameras and lenses and he will then explain how if your company just took his suggestions, your product could be vastly improved, because frankly, in Barry's honest opinion your product is terrible and he felt duty-bound to come over and tell you that himself in person, because that's the kind of guy Barry is.  He will even confide to you that all the major industry players consult with him, because of the reverence and awe with in which they hold his vast knowledge of photography and his technical mastery of lenses and optical engineering.  And you will smile and be polite, and you will die a little inside, because that is what you do at trade shows, but you will also never be able to forget a name like "Barry the Photographer".  


Then one day, out of curiosity if nothing else, and a mysterious craving to know just who this brilliant photographer is, this technical wunderkind, this optical wizard, this maestro of the photons, you will do a Google search for "Barry the Photographer".  And then you will see this....


http://barrythephotographer.com/wedding7.html


And you will marvel at how many technical errors that there can actually be in one photograph.  And then you will notice a stranger walking through the background of the picture, like a scene out of a Fellini movie (see yellow flowers).  And then you realize that perhaps the groom isn't actually a Hobbit and the Bride, well, why would you even frame a bride so that she is completely distorted?  And then you will not be able to help yourself, and you will have to share your pain and wonderment with your fellow photographer and friend, Vince.


And like you, Vince will not believe that this is not an elaborate April Fool's joke, and like you Vince will go through the rest of Barry the Photographer's photos and become more and more astonished that Barry the Master Wedding Photographer is also Barry the Master Pet Photographer.  But Barry likes the fact that he doesn't really have to be a Master Per Photographer, because in his own words, "They seem to understand they are being photographed and will usually pose for us."


http://barrythephotographer.com/pet4.html


But unlike you, after you tell Vince about how Barry treated you at your trade show, Vince will not exercise any restraint and Vince will e-mail Barry the Photographer with a few pointed criticisms.  But because Vince also deeply cares about photography, people getting married and pets, he will offer Barry the Photographer the helpful URL Link to Amherst Media, where Barry can purchase some reasonably-priced books that will help Barry understand important photographic concepts like exposure, focus, white balance, composition and the proper use of a camera flash.  Histograms might be pushing it.


That e-mail might sound something like this....

Wow!  I haven't seen this many hippos since my last trip to Africa.

How is possible for you to sleep at night when you make women look this bad on what is supposed to be the single most magical, beautiful and romantic day of their lives?

And you actually take money from these people?

When all else fails, try reading a book...

http://www.amherstmedia.com/

...and stop being such a pompous, self-righteous, self-important hack.

And Barry the Photographer, who shows admirable restraint when it comes to learning how to use his camera equipment properly, will demonstrate the kind of restraint he uses when haranguing product reps at trade shows and reply:


Its very clear you have no idea who you are emailimg with crap like that .I was taking photo while you were bouncing from one ball to another trying hard not to be a bas____. you don't want to go there it is a dark and dangerous place
=


I still have no idea what the bouncing balls are about.  And I do confess, I was a little mean.  So I now offer a public apology to Barry the Photographer.  And the people and pets he photographs.


As for the veiled threat?  It's pretty clear from Barry's photography and his website that the only dark and dangerous place is right in front of his camera lens.


But I will try harder in the future to restrain myself.


--Vince Hemingson